


Just A Really Boring Notebook

by autodidactic_squirrel



Category: Trolls (2016)
Genre: Bad Poetry, Branch's Poetry, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Baggage, Love Poems, Panicking, Pining, Poetry, Rants, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Whining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24046975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autodidactic_squirrel/pseuds/autodidactic_squirrel
Summary: If you found this book:Burn it, do NOT read it.It contains NOTHING of interest.It is absolutely not filled with embarrassing poems.Nope. No Poems. None. Zero.
Comments: 64
Kudos: 31
Collections: Best Broppy, Top Shelf Broppy





	1. Chapter 1

\-----------

Hope

The traitor, the tenacious weed,   
I tear it down, I rip it out,   
But all it ever does its grow!  
It figures, its brilliant light   
Ignites and burns me raw,   
Leaves me in the bitter lonely cold.  
If only this breaking heart could earn  
Your gently offered loving comfort   
That I deny at every turn.

\-----------

Certain Failure

I chose to win the only battle I know I always can.  
Victorious, I defeat myself in spite.   
For this one thing I’m in control. I’m right and smug   
I tell myself I told you so. 

\-----------

No Win

You know that game,   
Where if you think of it   
you lose?   
Your welcome,  
by the way. And _Welcome_   
to my life.   
Only, its not one thing,   
It’s a huge list, I’m   
the only one playing.   
it’s not a game,  
And I _always  
_ lose. 

\-----------

Never Deep Enough

I know I’d only bring you pain,  
I’m always there to rain on your parade.  
Unkind words to keep you back  
From getting past this callous mask  
To Me.

Night and day I’ve lain awake and cursed  
The wasted space beneath my breast  
That harbors hateful Hope,   
A future failure lay’n in wait. 

I tell myself the thousandths time   
Be done and bury it in some dark place.  
And so, I dig myself   
A little deeper. 


	2. Probably a List of Bunker Inventory...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not sappy poems about conflicted and confusing feelings.

———————  
  


Misery & Company  
  
  
Misery wants Company out of his hair,  
Out of his way, his life, his part of the forest!  
But Company just shows up  
Uninvited noisy bossy unwelcome  
Can’t take a hint take a hike  
Mind her own business  
Respect his wishes  
and JUST go away.  
  


  
———————  
  


Simple Logic

  
I must  
be concussed.  
Fell  
and  
Landed on my head.  
Its the only explanation,   
Credible series of events,  
To excuse the type contradiction   
That I now represent.  
  


———————  
  
  
Not Physics  
  


Does anyone actually believe that opposites   
attract? …Other than magnets. When,   
other than magnets, are two total opposites  
attracted to one another?  
Sounds like a joke, but I’m not kidding.  
Maybe they meant men and women.  
That's not completely absurd.  
But personalities?  
No. It makes no sense.  
She’s everything that makes me nuts!  
What I am, she can’t stand.  
What she loves, I want no part of.  
Tell me where in there  
Is there any room for even  
Conversation, Let alone  
Romance?

No, opposites don’t attract.  
But really they ought to turn and run.  
Because impossibly, illogically, and devoid of reason,  
That infuriating pink hurricane of a princess  
Means everything to this miserable grump.

  
  
———————-

  
P I N K

  
Perfectly Infuriating Naïve Klutz  
  
Pretty Irritating Noisy Know-it-all  
  
Precious, Irreplaceable, Naturally Kind  
  
Perfect for me, Impossible to get over, Not in my league, Kindhearted love of my life.  
  
Poetry muse, Insufferable goddess, No one like her, Keeper of my heart.  
  
  
  
Poppy Is Never to Know  
  


  
———————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a question.  
> In Misery & Company should I spell out the last line or leave it as is?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Bunker Inventory Log: 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Fine, I lied. It's poems. But my bunker inventory log is totally worth reading. Just saying.

———————-

  
Near You  
  


Is it stalking if I   
walking through the village  
enjoying predawn light   
happen by your pod and  
stopping sit a spell  
soaking in a silent sunrise as  
dreaming you sleep unaware,  
never waiting for my sunshine,  
leaving always before true dawn  
needing only a few moments of  
keeping close to one who cares?  
  


———————-  
  


Heart & Sole

  
Shouldn’t’ve come.  
I wont stay long.  
Here I don’t belong,   
but the feet don’t know  
And the heart said go.  
  


———————-  
  


Love Sick  
  


Fever, chills, sweaty palms  
Throat tight, chest hurts  
Can’t breath.  
Aching, stomach churning,  
Longing, burning  
Heart pounding, light headed,  
Dizzy, dry mouth,  
Can’t sleep, can’t eat.  
Is there any illness worse than love?  
  


———————  
  
  
~~Creeks a stupid jerk~~

~~He's not better than me~~

~~Why Can't You See~~

Just Wrong  
  


He doesn’t care about you  
...but you hang on his every word.  
He cares only about himself  
... but you fawn over him.  
If he could have a wish granted  
...it’d be shallow and self serving, just like him.  
You matter to me more than you could ever know  
... but you don’t hear me.  
I care about everyone more than myself  
... but you think I’m only looking out for me.  
If I could have just one wish granted  
...I’d be wrong.  
  


———————


	4. Notes and Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why the previous several pages have been torn out and an unsent letter.

———————-

Note To Self: Missing Pages  
Thanks to the toxic combination of paranoia, sleep deprivation, and coffee I produced several pages of disturbing writing. Having reread said writings I regret my choice and have decided that they do not belong here with my other work and so have removed the offending pages to a more appropriate location: the ash bin.

———————-

Dear Poppy,

  
I wanted to say I’m sorry. I know you don’t understand me, but I’m this way for a reason. I don’t want to go into why, but just know that it’s not you. You’re fine, great even. I just can’t think around you and then things turn out like they did this morning.

  
I’m not going to your party tonight. I know how much you wish I would. And I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, again. I wish I could say I’ll do it differently next time, but I won’t. It’ll be the same routine. It's our song and dance and we both know all the steps. But if you want we can stop. I officially release you from whatever obligation you feel toward me. If you like we can even pretend you’re still coming by to invite me and I’m still pitching a fit and saying no, just without wasting anyone’s time.

  
You know the dumb part of all this? I _want_ to say yes. I _like_ being invited. But I’m _never_ going to give in to what I want because more than I want any of that, I _need_ you to be safe. So I won’t be part of something that I think, that I know puts your life, and everyone’s lives, in danger. I won’t be a part of that. I can’t. You might be willing to risk it all for some noise and flashing lights, but I’m not. I won’t ever be. You’re too important to me. If you knew what I felt, what I feel for you, you’d never ask me again because it hurts, Poppy. It tears me apart, and I’m already broken. So...Could we call it quits? But don’t worry, you’ll still see me. I still want you stop this nonsense and take safety seriously, so I’ll be coming around to yell at you about it. Every time I do I hope you’ll actually listen. If you did I think you’d look at me very differently and hear something else in my words other than the ravings of some paranoid killjoy of a troll.

  
For reasons I think are quite obvious I won’t actually be giving you this letter, but like to think you’d understand.

  
Hopelessly Yours,  
  
Branch


	5. Late-Night Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad day, bad week, loud party, long night.  
> Panic is maybe not the best Editor...

———————

~~That's it. I’m taking a break. I’m not opening the door for anyone. No one. Not even King Peppy is getting _this guy_ out of his bunker! Especially not Poppy. Poppy who? No one? That's who. And I’m done with the useless writing, the sappy daydreaming, the whole deal. No more poems. No more late-night sighing wistfully. My dumb heart can get lost! What use is it? None. Useless. Besides she doesn’t want me and I really can’t stand her. So it's enough. Back to serious stuff. Survival. Planning. And whatever else I used to do before SHE got in the way. Hear that, you Pink Pain in my neck? I’m over you, you, and your smile. Your laugh. Your stupid excited face when you see me. Who's that exciting, not me, that's for sure, yah faker! I’m nobody’s charity case. And I don’t need you. So go ahead. Have your party! Get yourself eaten! See if I care!~~

  
———————

  
I’m sorry, ok. I lied. It was a completely and utter LIE. I care. Oh my god, I care. I care so much!! OK! I care, so just stop already! PLEASE! You’re gonna get yourself eaten. You’re gonna get everyone EATEN!   
I’m SORRY, OK! I take back what I said. Please, let me take it back, Poppy, I take it all back! You don’t have to prove me RIGHT! I don’t want to _be_ right! I don’t want to lose you, you’re the only thing I really care about. If I jinxed it, if this time it really is too loud and they show up it's my fault! You can’t be my fault. Please just this once turn it down, please Poppy, please.  
  


———————  
  


WHY! WHY CAN’T YOU STOP PLEASE I GIVE IN JUST STOP ALREADY!!   
  


———————

  
you really aren’t going to stop  
  
I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life I’ll be alone

———————

Dear Future Self: Do not to say out loud or write down anything quite so stupid as appears in the crossed-out section above. If you need a reason not to, just read the non-crossed out sections as well.

You’re already bad luck, so don’t tempt fate.

———————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this posted with the wrong date. Probably my bad for using a draft. If you got multiple alerts that it updated, sorry!! I’ll be more careful going forward, though at this point it’s looking like I’ll be reorganized the chapters in the near future, so we’ll see how that goes...


	6. (clever title goes here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we're back to poems

Perfect

Curse your loveliness,  
Your soft and silky locks,  
That joyful bounce each step you take,  
The carefree way you laugh,  
That soothing timbre of your voice,  
Your clever wit and your annoying chatter,  
That twisted smirk you share with me  
And the warmth in every smile,  
That light you share with all the world,  
With is gentle loving glow  
That melts the hearts of many,  
All the kindness that you show,  
The stubbornness with which you refuse  
Every one of my rejections,  
The millions of endearing ways  
In which you represent perfection.

\------------

Only You

  
I see you dancing.  
Everyone dances around you.  
But, all I see is you.

I hear you singing.  
One bright voice out of the many  
And, all I hear is you.

I know that you don’t love me,  
But it makes no difference what I do,  
Near, far, now and always  
All I need is you.

\------------

A Cautionary Tale  
  


Here lies Branch  
Who climbed a great white pine  
To glimpse the object of his affection  
Went further out upon on a limb than wise  
To see her beautiful perfection  
When he was found on the needled ground  
All those how saw were certain  
That in love he fell and it was said  
‘Twas pining that had killed him.

\------------

Further proof that I’m a fool:

Exhibit B  
Bird’s Nest

The right now bunker air feels heavy  
Thanks to the vent fan I disconnected.  
I found a nest had blocked the way  
And so set out to deconstruct it  
Until I saw the chicks’ dismay...  
Annoyed, I left the thing obstructed.

\------------

Conspiracy theories  
  


Dreams are my enemy  
Heart and soul conspire  
To taunt me with fake memories  
Of my deepest of desires.

I hold your hand, you touch my cheek  
We dance, you sing, I hold you close  
And kissing, whisper in the dark  
Two open hearts under a starry sky.

I wake without you by me.  
I spend my days alone.  
I work well past exhaustion  
Then I lay awake in bed  
And beg any god who’ll listen  
Just to dream of you again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to post only the ok poems at the moment. I have also have a rant/"Branch killing time by writing" page with a few related poems at the bottom, but I not sure if you all like that or not. (I may _eventually_ add it regardless...)
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear what you think.  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Something in the air?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you do it.

—————

How do you do it

Lookin’ at you,   
I feel so...

Warm.  
Everywhere.  
Like my body…  
It’s humming.  
Like I’m your lute,  
And you just struck a note.  
Humming.  
Or the reverberations in the air and the note’s been played.  
Hush.  
But still it’s there  
And it’s fillin’ the space  
Entirely.  
It won’t stop.

Or slow down.  
I close my eyes and listen to the sound  
Of your breath,   
And when I open my eyes  
I feel stronger,  
Like my hair it grew   
Longer.  
Lookin’ at you,  
I’m like a guitar that’s been strummed.   
And I know it’s you who’s been doin’ the strumming.  
Heart pounding,  
Thinkin’ of you,  
You got me  
Humming.  
And every thing stops.

I change pace.  
Slow down to look at you.  
I’m some kinda fool.  
I know now,   
I’m in some kinda trouble,   
Because of you.  
Big time.  
Just...  
...Wow...

—————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this actually is part of a longer thing I’m working on, but I think it stands alone and I’m too excited about it to wait to share it with you all. Hope you liked it. 
> 
> Also, I read it with 4 beats in “everywhere” like “e-ver-re-where” but wasn’t sure how to write it like that without it being weird or intrusive, so decided to leave it. How did you read it? 
> 
> Would love to hear your thoughts!  
> Thanks for reading!


	8. What was a gonna do, say no?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camping with Poppy and her friends? Ugh. Why me... at least I can write while I wait for this to be over.

————

No. Bad idea, I said. You and your little friends camping is a very bad idea.  
Does she listen? No! Of course not. Why would she? That’s Crazy. Nope. Nobody listens to Branch! He’s just a paranoid weirdo. WHY would anybody listen to THAT GUY? But Poppy, she shows up like it’s this great idea. “Hey! I’m gonna take all my noisy, super-tasty pals out into the woods at night with no idea whatsoever how to make sure we all make it home in the morning. Wanna come?”

NO! NO. I don’t “wanna come.” What are you, crazy? I want to stay far, far away from every single part of that. I _don’t_ think singing campfire songs sound like fun. I think cooking your food at night sounds like a _grea_ _t_ way to lure predators FOR MILES. And I don’t want to “hang-out” and braid each other’s HAIR. Braided hair? Seriously? It’s a terrible idea. Come on Poppy! Use your head for a change!  
  
So, where am I now?   
Of Course. Where else? I’m sitting in a stupid tree watching stupid trolls have their stupid camping “fun.”

Why? Because I’m a sucker. That’s why. I’m soft. Weak. I’m like… I don’t even know what I’m like! But something soft and squishy, that’s for sure. And all it took was a couple nice smiles and the THREAT of you going on your own and, poof, here I am. Hating it. Completely. Hating this whole dumb trip. But, at least, this way you don’t _die_.  
Tomorrow we go back home and I’ll have made sure you and your “best pals” got back to the village alive. Please don’t accuse me of caring, I just did NOT want to hear you whine about how they all got eaten or whatever dumb thing you all might’ve done to get yourselves killed without me here looking out for you.  
That’s why. And no other reason. At all.   
Oh, and your hot chocolate has way too much sugar in it, by the way. I probably won’t be able to sleep… ok, fine, so I wasn’t planning to anyway. Someone has to make sure you idiots are safe.

But, thanks for leaving it for me, I guess…  
Or whatever…  
  
————  
  
Okay. Singing the same song as a round, does not, NOT, make it a different song. Why did I do this to myself! Why won’t they be quiet? I mean, come on, aren’t they _ever_ going to sleep? Why am I even here?  
  
Poppy.   
  
Because of Poppy. That’s why.  
For Poppy.  
  
————  
  
All quiet. Everyone’s asleep, finally. I finished checking the perimeter again. It seems like they didn’t manage to lure anything too big. One juvenile copperhead was easy enough to scare off. Even Poppy and her friends could probably have done it. Still… it’s better that I’m here. I don’t like the idea of her up against a poisonous snake, even if it is small. Besides, if I hadn’t come I’d just be going crazy worrying, anyway.

————

It’s so rare,  
Seeing you quiet,  
But, wow, you really are something.  
You’re usually so…  
incessantly noisy.  
But seeing you,  
Quiet like this,  
What a way to pass the time.  
Hearing the soft din of nighttime,  
By the crackling campfire,  
I enjoy the play of the dancing firelight  
as a breeze lightly kisses your hair.  
Man, I envy that breeze.   
But, it can’t see you like I do.  
And I could watch you all night,  
…Sounds a bit creepy, actually.  
But, how else can I protect you,   
Keep you safe,   
And, by extension, them.   
But, watching over you  
In the calm and quiet,  
Illuminated by the fire’s glow,  
I can’t help but wonder,  
Is this what peace feels like?

Or maybe love?  
Whatever this feeling,  
I could do this forever.

————  
  
glowing embers  
dying firelight  
while you dream,  
I keep watch  
as mine sleeps.  
  
————

It’ll be dawn soon. Checked the perimeter again. Still seems OK, but I’ll remain vigilant.   
I wonder how long they’ll sleep past sunrise…

————-  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous poem was originally part of this page. 
> 
> I love hearing what you all think of these.  
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Dreaming of the River Poppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I try to work hard enough during the day that I don’t dream at night. When I do, most times I’d prefer not to remember. This one I’d rather not forget.

  
You were a river and I’m standing near the bank at the top of a waterfall. It’s shallow, not more than ankle-deep, but quick. A careless step would sweep me off my feet. The current tugs at me, urging me forward, towards the overhang and the drop. The pool below is beautiful, dark and deep. Peering over the edge, I make up my mind, take a step, and jump.

  
Underwater, looking up at the sky, I realize I already heard the splash. My momentum carries me a little deeper before I feel myself slowing. I’m too buoyant. The air in my lungs tries to lift me, but I’m not ready yet. I exhale. 

  
It isn’t long before I realize my error and swim skyward, fighting to reach the surface. If anything, I fall faster. When I can’t hold my breath any longer, with my lungs screaming out for air, I gasp, but no water chokes me. I should have known your waters would never hurt me. 

  
The sandy riverbed gives beneath my feet as I alight upon the bottom, accepting me. A world like the one above surrounds me. But here, you are not a river. You’re you and you’re standing right in front of me. My heart sings when you look at me, and in your eyes, I find new depths, magenta pools far deeper and more profound than this one. I’m dying to pull you close, but I’m not ready to stop looking at you. I can’t believe you’re here. When you smile it lights up the world. Who needs the sun? 

  
At this point, I think maybe I died, and this is heaven, but you reach out and put your hand over my heart. I’m very much alive, but the distance between us is killing me. I step forward and you wrap your arms around me. I hold you as tightly as I dare. In that moment, I realize I’m still sinking, falling into those new depths. Ones from which I will never return. Never look back. Without a doubt, I am a man drowning, and I couldn’t be happier. I close my eyes and breathe deeply with you in my arms.

  
I open my eyes to see the dirt ceiling of my room. With my heart pounding and breathing fine, I’m still drowning. Your absence hurts, aching like I couldn’t possibly survive. But it won’t kill me, either. I roll onto my side and hug my pillow, it helps a little. Not enough, not remotely. So, I do the only other thing I can to soothe the pain and open my notebook to a fresh page.


	10. Who needs sleep, really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing when I should be sleeping...

I don’t need sleep, I mean, who does really? Not I. Nope. Not me, no. I’m 100% and haven’t slept in ages. I’m so very 100% I won’t descend into hyperbole and crimes against math by saying I’m better than 100%. 100% is the whole the thing. One thing isn’t more itself than that! Except maybe Poppy. She’d find a way swing it, somehow. If confronted with numbers and logic she’d probably laugh and break them or something. If anyone can break math, it’s her. She’s like that, she breaks things, like hearts. Yep. Heartbreaker Poppy. Breaker of hearts and maybe maths. But definitely hearts. 

  
But I bet this could happen: 

  
Me  
What happened to you, Mr. number 9? 

No. 9  
I’m no 9, I’m a 6. 

Me  
Then what d'ya doing standin’ on your head? 

No. 9 or perhaps 6  
Poppy spun me around so’s I don’t know which way’s up. What makes you so sure your head is on straight, or right-side-up? Could be we’re both sideways! 

Me  
Right you are, number 9. Right you are. 

No. 9 or perhaps 6  
I’m a 6. 

Me  
Sure you are.... 

I’m really not tired, but I’ll just rest my head a bit. Numbers shouldn’t really be having this much to say. In words, I mean. Great for stuff not words, like maths. Yep. Maths is where the numbers belong.   
Go back, you irrational numbers you, you fractions and decimals. There’s no room for Tangents here! Sine and cosine, the same goes for you. Right or isosceles, I don’t care if you are acute, you can’t fool me. I’m not obtuse. I’ll figure you out and if you don’t add up I’ll tally until your a sum. 

Take that math. Take. That. 

And you, Mr. clock, I’ve got my eye on you. I know what they say about you, how flighty you are. Keep your hands where I can see ’em mister and no more skipping ahead, I noticed. It’s my time, so don’t you steal it. I won’t let anybody steal what’s mine. They gotta ask me. But not my time. I won’t waste anymore on pink things and sleep and dreaming and laying in bed trying not to sleep and dream and think about pink things. But, if I DID want to think about pink things, there're tons of ’em. Tons. Nope. No dearth of pink things to choose from. I don’t have to think about her every time pink pops into my head... pink pops... heh. I hate it, but I love it. Unplanned double entendres are da’bomb.   
Did I write that?   
I wrote that... is that even a double entendre? And “Da’bomb”, really?   
How do you even spell entendre?   
And nope, it’s alliteration. Gumdrops, it's barely even a pun.   
I’m off. 

Ok... Stopping now. Night night me. 

Night night Branch.... 

Ok... so maybe I’m like, 99%. 

\--------

So it’s been 24 hours so far. I did my puzzle face down. This is my third try, but I think something is wrong because every side looks like every other side. And that’s weird when there shouldn’t be more than two sides. 

\--------

I slept. Got up. Moved over here and can’t make thoughts. I feel like I got banged around in a pinball machine, and my ears are still ringing. Forget this. 

\--------

I’m ok now. I feel 80% myself, which is normal. The other 20% is anxiety and what not, which is also normal. I think it may be time to investigate an insomnia remedy, because this week seemed to go, Monday, Tuesday, also Tuesday, probably not Tuesday but also not Wednesday, Friday. That’s less than ideal. 

How I didn’t run into poppy while delirious, I don’t know, but I’ll take it. 


	11. Short Poems

10-word description

Hold me,  
I need you,  
don’t touch me,  
it hurts.

——

In my dreams you’ll never leave me  
In nightmares you always do.

——

Isolation of my making,  
This desperate loneliness  
Masked as my ideal.

——

I built a wall  
carefully crafted  
word by word  
to keep me from you  
and you from me. 

But to keep you safe  
I’d burn them all,  
word and phrase  
upon my wall.

I built it so I wouldn't see  
the truth that me and you  
and you and me,  
That “we” will never be.

——  
  
I am a plant in your garden  
One you over-water everyday.  
I’m drowning, but if you stopped  
I’d wither straight away.  
  
——  
  
I’m your knight.  
You think I’m the dragon.  
I’ll fight for you  
As you try to best me.  
My heart is yours  
And it always has been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silly though it may be, I'm posting these poems partly so I can ask a question. Well, two questions, really.   
> I've been posting things as I finish them. For most of the posts, it isn't as important that they be in chronological order. Right now, though, I'm working on a few where they make more sense in order, but because I don't write in chronological order...
> 
> So would you all prefer me to post as I finish or hold off until they make better sense?  
> I'm leaning toward holding off. I will still try posting other little things or stand-alone things as I have them.
> 
> The other thing is I have a few posts that relate to a story I'm working on. Do you all think I should hold them back until I post the story itself or post them ahead and not worry about it?
> 
> I'd love to know your preference and opinions about this. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting!


End file.
